ch-ch-ch-changes...

We all inevitably go through changes throughout our lives. You aren't the same person at 26 that you were at 6. Your tastes and hobbies change (drastically!) and you've just basically matured. Sure, you can still like that certain cartoon you got up to watch every Saturday, but mostly it's for nostalgia purposes. The point of the matter is that I want to discuss, for my own sick pleasure (and maybe yours?) the changes that have occurred in my life as I have aged.

Let's begin with my "tween" years as they call them now.
I had unruly, frizzy hair and dressed horribly. I really didn't care how I looked and to me now that seems wonderful. What I wouldn't give today to just not care about my appearance. I loved boy bands and just bubblegum pop in general. My favorite band was the Backstreet Boys and my heart belonged to Nick Carter.

Life was simple back then.

Late tween-early teen years:
Hmm the most awkward of all my phases and probably the one I'm most embarrassed by! So, this would be around the time where I began to like a certain genre of music. I was in 7th grade and I thought listening to bands like Korn was cool. I'd walk around in black t-shirts and my hair all in my face. I can recall this one day while at my grandmothers house my sister said "Geez, Jenn you look Gothic" I laugh at that now seeing as that's clearly not gothic but just plain...stupid! (the way I looked not my sister. How is she to know what "gothic" is.) Anyways, so my favorite bands were Korn, Slipknot, Coal Chamber, Orgy, among countless other horrendous (to me now anyway) musical acts. I met my best friend in Freshman year of high school and we both liked this horrid music. I went to my first concerts with him. By the middle of my freshman year I began dabbling in real heavy metal music, which would soon take over my life.

Teen Years 14-15:
Heavy metal was my life now. I listened to Black metal and Death metal, etc ,etc. I wore band t-shirts and wore lots of black eyeliner. We'd go to metal concerts all the time. I really look back on this time of my life fondly. My favorite band ever during this period was Cradle of Filth. I just couldn't get enough of them! This was before they started touring on Ozzfest and all that bullshit. They were like true black metal. I also liked bands like Emperor, Mayhem, Nile, Cannibal Corpse, and countless others! I saw so many concerts and the funniest one that I'll never forget was when we saw Mortician. So this band has some insane fans and said fans were going crazy moshing at the show. It's me and I believe 2 other friends and this guy hits us and we all fall down! It was too funny! I still love some Black metal acts to this day. I'll pop in a CD or download an album whenever the mood arises.


Teen Years 16-18
Ok, so now we get into the "goth" years hah! With listening to Black metal and really any dark genre of metal comes Gothic music. I don't really no why. I guess you could say these Gothic artists are influential to these Black metal artists. For example, Cradle of Filth covered some Sisters of Mercy songs. Sisters of Mercy (whether they like it or not!) are a staple gothic rock band. So, I discover the wonders of gothic rock and ethereal music (ethereal wasn't that big a deal to me but some bands were decent) I like to think I dressed great during this time! I know it sounds egotistical but I believe it's true! I despised the whole "mall goth" and Manson goth types so I did my best to stear clear. My main inspiration came from the 80's goth look. I'm talking lace and velvet type stuff here. I also start listening to a lot of 80s new wave music which also influences my style greatly! I mostly shop at thrift stores at this point and wear nothing but platform shoes (I miss platforms!). Then I get introduced to the electronic side of gothic music. This is when the whole "cyber goth" thing got really, really popular, you know the beginning of the "dread falls" thing and stuff like that. Well, it'd been around before but it was probably at it's peak then. So I of course began making my own hair falls out of things, mostly yarn. I started wearing PVC clothes like pants and skirts and my platform boots got bigger and PVC. I start going to more shows. My favorite electronic bands were (and in some cases still are) VNV Nation, Assemblage 23, Hocico, Apoptygma Berserk, Pride and Fall, etc etc basically anything on Metropolis Records. I still stay in with my gothic rocks roots and also begin to listen to a lot of deathrock bands. Some gothic rock/ death rock bands I love are: Corpus Delicti, Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Alien Sex Fiend, The Cramps (considered psychobilly in some circles), Christian Death, Bauhaus, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, etc etc. I tease my hair and wear black lipstick and also stick to the motto of "if it's not Aquanet holding up your teased hair then it aint deathrock" hah I stick with this styles until the end of high school. High school for me and for many people was like a freakin' cat walk. I wore things that I loved. I really miss doing that. When I was about lets say 16-17 I was introduced to Visual Kei by my best friend. We started listening to bands like Dir en Grey and Malice Mizer. I remember being in computer class looking up Mana after I'd finished with my assignment :)


18-21:
So for those about 4 years Visual Kei is a big part of me. I listen to it, I travel (in 2007 my best friend and I drove from TX to CA to see Ayabie) for it, I dress for it. Not too much to say here besides having Japanese popular culture take over my life. I still love it to this day but I think the passion was the most intense in the beginning.

21-today (I'm 22 btw and will be 23 in August)
I love every kind of music I've listened to (aside from 14-15 yrs hah!) I probably won't ever stop.
As far as the way I dress...well I've toned it down A LOT. I'm really sad that I have because I just loved the way I dressed before. I feel like I'm not myself sometimes but I guess that's what happens when you get older. Especially, if you are part of a subculture. You get older and you have to dress a certain ways in order to be accepted into society. I still don't dress "normal" enough to most people. I wear a lot of black now but I have my own "thing" I guess you could say. I still love Japanese street fashion, especially gothic lolita. I guess at this point in my life I don't have the money it takes to look how I'd really like to. Once I get my life on track and figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life I'm sure my sense of style will again kick in and I'll be happy with how I dress.

Musically, at this time, I am completely obsessed with the 60s namely the Beatles. I have probably had "across the universe" and "Norwegian wood" on repeat for the past week or so. But, of course I still hear my old faithfuls. Just check out my lastfm to see what I'm hearing.


So, I believe everyone goes through lots of changes. I went through a few but in the end I think I know who I am. I love morbid things and I probably always will. I'll always love the dark side of things and thats just who I am and I'm happy with that. I wouldn't change anything in my past (aside from some financial decisions!)
So I leave you with...

A photo I took last month of the first rays of sunlight of spring!

I really should be asleep by now but lately I just can't sleep at night. Well, it's not such a strange thing for me because I'm a night owl but it's making tired while I'm at work during the day.
All day today I could not stop hearing "Across the Universe" by The Beatles! It's just such a beautiful song! Right now though, I'm hearing Dead Souls by Joy Division.
I don't know what on earth I would do without music in my life. Everything I've been listening to lately has just helped me so much lately. Helped me with coping with the fact that in some ways my freedom was taken away when my car broke down. Helped me feel not so lonely in a city where I have no one to turn to. I just feel so thankful to these artists for doing what they do because without their music I would be doomed.

I'm so excited I'm going to make a counter and come back here every now and then to see how much time is left until I get to go home!!



I want to go shopping so badly! I might buy myself a little something tomorrow :)
Yesterday, I had some time to kill so I went into forever21 thinking I was just going to be buying a black beret and I walked out with the beret and a pair of skinny black jeans and I also stopped by H&M and got myself some sunglasses because my poor eyes can't stand the sun!
Well I'm off to attempt sleep!

I'm in such a good mood right now. Do you know why? Because of this woman ..

Françoise Hardy.

She is one of my absolute favorite singers of all time. I'm happy because after searching and searching I FINALLY got a hold of her English album! YAY!
I always tell everyone that I want to name my daughter (if I ever have one)Françoise, after her because she is that much of an influence on my life. I love her style, her music and just everything she's about. Also, I demanded that they play "Mon amie la rose" at my funeral!

So I've been on this 60s music kick for the past let's say three or so weeks. I'm finally filling the gaps in my Beatles collection. I've also been hearing a bunch of Psychedelic rock music. I just love the 60s era so much and I feel as though in another life I was a total hippie or maybe a mod, hip kind of Beatnik :P
I'm just going to dedicate the rest of this post to women and men of the 60s that I adore....













ahh 60s John Waters! I love him :)

*All images were found throughout the internet. If you're the owner of the photo and would like credit. Let me know!

Something.

Here I am again! My car is still fucked up and I most likely won't be getting it fixed here in Pittsburgh. I'll probably have to wait till the end of the year to get it fixed. I know by the time I go home and after all the money that's going to be spent on getting there, I won't have the means to get it fixed right away. I'm completely fine with that as long as I am at home.
So I have 3 months until I get to go home. My parents are going to fly up here and help me move all my stuff back to Texas. I'm excited because I can't wait to go home. I need stability and here it's just so hard and I'm barely making ends meet.
I really need to get back into school really soon. I don't know what I'm going to do yet because a part of me wants to do the smart thing but the other part of me wants to do what my heart really wants.
Who should I listen to?

This will be a short one because I'm sleepy and I have to wake up early to get the bus!

Well, fuck.

Yeah that'll probably sum up what's happening right now in my life.

So long story short, my car's transmission gave out and now I have no car. It's at the car repair shop right now and they told my Mother that it would cost approx. $2,400 to fix. So I'm over here thousands of miles away from hope and totally fucked. I have to take the bus which is fine ok but the thing I've never in my life taken the bus and it just freaks me out. I feel like my freedom has been taken away from me sort of like what Cher says in the movie Mermaids. I feel like I can't go anywhere and I'm just so frustrated.
Of course, this would happen when I start my new job. I have two jobs I need to go to and no car and just the bus to rely on and it's something I'm totally not used to. I'm not totally opposed to public transportation but here in Pittsburgh it can be a bit scary. I am horrible with directions and I don't know I'm just freaking out that I may get lost while I'm out there. If I do get lost I have no one who can come pick me up from wherever I may wind up. I have NO ONE.

My favorite pair of shoes! Dr.Martens ♥

So here I am in my room being totally self-loathing. I'll set the scene!
I lay upon my bed whilst dreaming of the day when true love knocks upon my door. I'm wearing my most comfortable clothes, otherwise known as a night gown. In the background "Air for Strings in G" by Bach plays in all of it's melancholy and lovely glory.

So now that you know whats really going on I'll get on with it :P

I'm excited and slightly nervous because next week I have an interview at Macy's! I really hope I get this job because I so desperately need it!

I've been feeling incredibly crafty lately and I think if I was to set up a small fund on the side I might be able to finally let this craftiness out! I think I want to take up stuffed doll making. I have this vision in my head of a kitschy version of Marie Antoinette. I'm excited to see if my vision will work out.

Marie Antoinette, 1780's via Flickr

Marie Antoinette and really just the whole Rococo and Baroque periods have had such a huge impact on me. I just fall more and more in love with the music, art, fashions, decor everyday. Versailles is like my ultimate dream destination. If and when I ever visit that palace I will be incredibly, ridiculously happy. I might even cry! My dream is to own a home one day and somewhat replicate the decor inside the Versailles. Of course that will take a lot of money so hopefully things work out later! One can only dream of such a lavish lifestyle!

Onwards, I have many photos to show from my past trips to Baltimore, MD and NYC!

Doorway leading to a basement. I was just taken aback by this old style. Love it!

This is a store owned by a man who is sometimes in John Waters films. I adore John Waters so this store was a must see. I was sad to find it to be cluttered to death and manned by a pretentious girl who listened to horrendous music!

In Central Park!

A bit of background: This was my very first trip to NYC and let me just say that it was absolutely amazing! I couldn't of had a time that was more amazing (except for when I'm in LA!)

It's been too long!

Walking in the snow

I made this blog and then abandoned it but now I'm back! I'm having a really rough time right now and I need an outlet.
So many things have been going badly for me and my family. I ask what I've done to deserve such horrendous karma. I don't think I've done anything particularly bad or evil, in fact I know I haven't!

Right now I'm helping someone out, and I don't have to do it but I choose to. Sometimes I get frustrated because I hate when people are dependent on me unless it's for a job or something. I just get tired, you know? Always though, I think of what I'd want that person to do for me if I was in the same situation and I forget about being upset. I am just so crazy hormonal right now it's well...crazy! I really just need a cigarette and I think I'll be happy, at least for the 5 minutes that I'm smoking heh.
Heavy Snow

So, in the past few months Pittsburgh was hit with crazy snow storms and we were shut in for about 3-4 days! The snow was crazy! I'm originally from Texas and have never seen snow in my entire life and then to be trapped in it for so long, oh it was totally nuts! I'm pretty much over the snow for the most part, I've never wished for spring more than I do right now.

Honestly, I can not wait until I'm back in Texas! Not to offend anyone but I hate Pittsburgh so much! If I meet one nice person who's actually from here and not just relocated here, that'll be the day! I'm a nice southern girl at heart I suppose. I'm not used to these Yankees and their rudeness :P

I miss my parents so very much right now :(

I'm just a big ball of unhappy emotions right now and I hope someone notices and doesn't selfishly try to make everything about them.

My Snow Angel...sort of!